I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Your penis caused this!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
