I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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