I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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