i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
