...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
