escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
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And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
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of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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