I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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