big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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