Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
