I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
