Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
