eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
