so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
