id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
