its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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