There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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