i think i have herpe
just one?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
