he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
