If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
