Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
