we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
