He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
