i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
