Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
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