i was born a porn star she said
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
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