We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
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