I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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