Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
