My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
