Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
