I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
