I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
