I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
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