I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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