Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
