How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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