I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
