Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
