who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
