do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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