I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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