Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Did we literally take a cab across the street
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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