my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
