All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
