I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Randomize
