this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
