The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
