I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize