after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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