It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
