It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
