dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
