Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
