the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
