It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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