he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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