he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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