If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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