he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
this boner is exhausting
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
