I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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