If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
