You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
