so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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