just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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