i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
