Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Randomize
