she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
