i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
