if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
