those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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