Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
