You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
