did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
