I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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