Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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