I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
