escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
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