cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
bring money and cleavage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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