Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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