never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Randomize
