What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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