well I can't set my house on fire every night
its not stalking. its research.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
