U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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