i was born a porn star she said
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
