is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
