You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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