I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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